Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I love you, God

I was just reading the youtubes and someone sent me this one and I was all, yes...the blonde one, bring her to me but wash her, first.  Especially her hands because girls are dirty on their hands and I don't want that, I strive to be clean and here you can watch it if you want.  Really you should.  I did.


Well, to be honest, I watched this one first:

You see, I initially came across this one and I had to shake the unhealthy taste of poverty and despair out of my teefs.

I was all...surfing, click, click omg, noooooooo!  Poverty!  Ick!  Look away!

So then I went to that one ... the 2nd one and I'm all...hmmm, let's see more of this. 

Then I'm thinking about bjs from this lady and her ass going and then she's talking about Palin and the two things start clashing.  In one court is a soothing bj from a hot dum girl and in the other court is a shrill dumb girl saying on and on about dum things and I say to myself, "Keep it cool, Ho.  Keep it cool."

So then I imagine in the bj court me saying softly, "Shhh, shhh, save your politics for after the bj.  We'll get a nice coffee and we'll talk about how you're right about the politics.  After you hand me three tissues.  Then the politics.  For now, the bjs.  First thing's first.  Ahhhh, that's better."

And that works for awhile but the other court gets louder and louder and I can't help it but in the bj court I'm kicking her off my lap and screaming GET OUT.  GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SLAVE PENS.  I WILL HAVE NO MORE BJS FROM YOU, DUMB BLONDE GIRL.

And she's scrambling for her clothes and now it's just politics everywhere and my swoled rod is now gasping for blood and almost dying and I'm considering dialing 911.

So, yeah.

Bjs and politics don't mix.

Unless you're getting one from that cripple girl from facts of life when you can't understand what she's saying anyway.  Mmmm, facts of life bjs.


What I meant to say was that I was reading up on the Jesus principles today over lunch as is my wont.  Going through the periodicals and I came upon one and it was already colored and I was so damn mad.  It's like when you do those puzzles where you have to find the hidden things and some dullard got there and circled them in dark pencil and found them all and you look at it and you say, yes, there's the hatchet.  So easy.  There's the indian.  I could have found that so fast.

But inside your heart is breaking, that's how sad you are because you wanted to find the indian and the hatchet and the ubiquitous sailboat.

That's how sad you are.

Here's the picture, of course the dinosaur is green, I guess people don't read the great literature like Jurrasic Park no more.

I can just picture our lord and savior gallivanting about the desert on a triceratops, can't you?  God I bet he gave the jews hell, bouncing into their front lines on a T-rex.  You just get a sense that if he wouldn't have drove that donkey into Jerusalem when the Jews jacked him, had he been on the T-Rexicon?  Totally different.  Rexicon, ride!  Tonight, we dine on Jew!  Like from that movie the 300 when that dead greek says, tonight we dine in hell but in a magic Jesus voice and the thunder cracks and Rexicon's eyes are suddenly red and steam from the nose.

God that would be a good movie.

The last part I must admit some shame to thinking... But I was continuing my Jesus studies and I saw this one and immediately I thought of 9 thousand things but the first was, "What else can you stick in there?"

The second thing was that movie where the guy is attached to his evil dwarf brother and carries him around on the box and I wish that had been the first thing but it was the second.

Note to self, if Jesus shows me his open, gaping wounds, feel free to jam my dirty fingers into it.

God, I love you.