Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Book Ho

Well, I've been reading. I popped by the used bookstore and bought 100 lbs of books--they're actually sold by the pound--mostly the books are for burning, but Spring is here and there were a few that made it through the long cold winter.

I grabbed one off the top of the stack because I'm pretty random by nature. The title? The Last Lion. I know what you're thinking. Sweet! A book about the last lion in the world who escapes from the zoo and totally attacks the zoo handlers and then runs off to Africa to attack the poachers who killed his wife and baby daughter.

A book filled with blood, violence and the last lion ever...to be followed by a sequel, The Return of the Last Lion...and then Return to the Valley of the Lions when the lion discovers he isn't the actual last lion, just the last lion in that particular zoo. Oh, and his wife and daughter also live there...big misunderstanding...sorry poachers.

Well, I'm almost 300 pages into the book and not one fucking lion. Not one. Not a tiger, not a lioness, not a Thundercat, not a liger, not a cat, no nothing. Just Winston Churchill.

So I'm kinda hoping that it turns into the kind of book where Winston teaches the lions in the London Zoo how to recognize nazis and attack them. Then they swim the English Channel and storm Omaha beach...all of them are shot down except for the last one. He fights his way through The Battle of the Bulge (some kind of dick battle) and storms Hitler's condo and eats his head.

That would be sweet. I hate nazis. I think a lot of things are funny, but not nazis. Cancer can be funny. Girls yelling "Look what I can still do..." and then falling out of windows can be funny. Armless cripples can be funny. Not so nazis.

For one thing, they were heartless bastards. For another, the z is missing from my keyboard and I have to use ascii codes and the number pad every time I need a z, so they're really on my nerves.

In summation:

1.) nazis suck
2.) The Last Lion is not about lions...so far.
3.) Winston didn't have a huge sex drive which makes me wish I was his neighbor so I could take care of his wife...even though her name was Clemmie.

2 pictures:

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