Dedicated to that guy who made one movie ever. It was a pretty good movie.

What many of you don't know about me is that my real first name is Juan, not Blog. My real last name is Ho, though. Juan Ho.

I'm also 3000 years old. That surprises most people, and I try to keep it kinda quiet because people always ask me what it was like to go to a Beatles concert and I get kind of tired of answering that question again and again. But we're all friends, so I'll admit my age to you.

Another thing is that I'm a Highlander. Like in that movie. Highlander. The first one. Not the shitty next one where they said we're aliens. We're not. But there are several of us left. We procreate a lot because we're all either very hot (like me) or we have our head stapled on with safety pins (like Chief and AB).

I used to really mix it up with the other Highanders. I'd get close and I'd feel "The Quickening." I'd whip out my sword and lop off their heads with a giant Spanish battle cry....El Rar!

There was this one time...this one guy...well known for a Highlander. Very good chopper of heads. Well, we were facing off and I smiled at him and said..a wise man told me once this prophesy..I hate to tell you this because it will make you feel bad about yourself, but here goes: There can be only Juan. And my name's Juan.

I gave him a smug smile. The smuggest of smiles. A sly wink. Twisted my pointy mustache. Another sly wink...and the tiniest...El Rar from the corner of my mouth.

"The real saying is There can be only ONE, dipshit. One, not Juan. Damn you're stupid."

He had me there. I am stupid. What could I do?

Well, I got the hell out of there, let me tell you. He still chases me, that guy, but Juan can run when he wants to. Fast.