Monday, April 11, 2005

Mason Jars

**Warning..It has been brought to my attention that today's words of Hotown are..well, I would use the word provocative, but I suspect most would say disgusting. That being said, you may read Saturday's post which was pretty funny and skip the gross..if you so choose. God's peed.

If I had a vagina I would take one week a month off. In that week I would carefully collect all of my menstrual blood. I would squat over a mason jar and let the small drips fall into the jar, slowly filling it.

I'm not sure how long a menstruation lasts, but it seems to be at least a week. I think a week would do it, but I'm not positive.

I would carry my jar of blood around me everywhere I went and carefully listen to other conversations. Whenever someone said that they were having heavy they do often based on those tampon and panty liner commercials I'd whip out my jar of blood and say, "As heavy as this?"

I would emphasize the word this and give the blood in the jar a little twist to create a vaginal blood vortex..which is a nice effect.

I wouldn't throw the blood on them, though. I've seen Carrie and I know that makes a woman mad.

When I had a full jar I would travel to MTV studios. It would be there that I would record my video based on the Milkshakes video by Khalis. The hook line would go something like this:

My menstrual blood brings the boys to the yard
and they're like, it's better than yours.
Repeat until tedium strikes, then go on and on.

Then I guess I'd retire on my earnings, or marry a rich rapper like Queen Latifah.