The talk with the kids

"Retards are funny," said my youngest son.

"Yes," I said. "Retards really are funny creatures. Do you have any retards in your school?"

"We do. They're called resource children, though," said my oldest son.

"That's French for retard. Re...well, re is the same in both languages, English and French. In the word retard or resource..re means the same thing--just re. Source in French means tard. It's stupid, but you know how the French are."

"Dad, why do we make such fun of retards?"

"God hates them, son. We're doing His work."

"How do you know God hates them?"

"Were they born retards?"

"Yeah."

"There you go. Hates them," I said.

"Hey," I said. "You know what the word France means in German?"

"Retard?"

"I love you kids."