A big fat dirty cunt (take that, google)

If I lose my memory, please reassure me that I was great.

Tell me that I was a king among gods and that everyone looked to me for beauty advice and fighting the savage hoards.

Tell me that with my left arm I slew the dragon that thrice weekly scorced the crops and with my right hand I killed the killer of sheep and shepherds.

Tell me I lay with scores of women and all wept to see me go, yet all knew that I had a different destiny than with them. Tell me my children look at me not as an absent father but as a man who had a higher duty to fulfill.

Tell me that I developed a time machine and my assistant foolishly went into the future too far and died and now I can't get it back.

Tell me I once had herpes but cured it with my own will.

Tell me all of these things and tell me that I gave it all up for nothing because it was nothing to me.

Tell me I've fallen on hard times recently.

Tell me I kind of suck, these days...that my left and right arms aren't nearly as strong and that my back hurts when I turn certain ways.

Tell me that I really wanted it that way. Really really really wanted it that way.

Finally, tell me that I lost my memory from auto-erotic asphyxiation because that would be the only thing that could bring Ho so low.