In a rare bind

I can't type long, I think I'm being watched. Tonight I realized that there's a great Homo Conspiracy.

Please pay close attention because I don't have much time to get the truth out.

For weeks I've noticed that whenever I drove by an Acura I got an increased urge to fuck a man in the bum. At first I wrote it off as an errant wim, a deviant desire, but after awhile I realized with some clarity that it was always when I was behind an Acura.

Today I pieced it together. I was behind an Accura and I was tempted to just ram my big, fat, strong car right into the back of the Accura--heterosexuality be damned! I was just going to plant my swollen car right into the back of that little car.

I somehow got ahold of myself. A firm, strong grip on my senses and I swerved around at the very last second. I looked in the Accura and there I saw them. Homos activating some kind of Homo beam. I'm pretty sure they were Homos because one was wearing a salmon colored shirt with pressed slacks and the other was wearing a pineapple print shirt with Bremuda shorts.

"Yep, homos." I said to myself. And aloud.

I followed them discretely and inspected their car after they got out. On the back I noticed the ubiquitous H. I always thought it stood for Honda. Not so. Upon closer inspection it was a Homo conversion device.

If you don't hear from me again, please contact the Hetero society. I'm just so worried that they're onto me. If you don't know how to get ahold of the Hetero society..you might be in trouble yourself.