I have vertigo in my eyeballs

I wish my weiner was about one inch longer so that I could reach the refrigerator with it without having to thrust out my pelvis cause it's uncomfortable to do that when you just want to lay on the couch and watch VH1 specials.

Right now it mostly roams the house like that one martian device that we saw in the documentary Tom Cruise was in that will happen soon.  With the aliens.  War of the Worlds?  I have to spell it out to you, now?

Anyway, it's pretty creepy, I hear from my neighbors.  Just kinda peers at you, ya know?  With its one great eye?  I barely notice.

I mean, I guess I should be happy about the shortfall because it prowls around the house but it can't steal anything (like my dignity) because it can't really reach anything worth a hearty plunder.

So I guess what I'm telling you is that when you sleep over...don't be too shocked, please.