I'm going to migrate soon

The best thing about not being drunk or hungover at work is the noticeable decrease of running to the bathroom to vomit.

The worst thing is the stultifying ennui that persists between the time you last threw up at work and your next drink.

I want to invade Iowa. I might, this weekend. Guess what they did.

Yes.

Remember when I forged a library card for Iowa and took all their copies of the Da Vinci Code so that I could start a new church founded on the belief that Jesus had an active sex life with a whore?

Well, they're dunning me now, of all things.

I realize I should not have used my real address but that doesn't make me any less mad at them.

I'd like to invade them and that's where the plan ends because Iowa is a wasteland of wandering cattle and corn and winter wheat.

Unlike Nebraska.