Remember the can't say something nice rule? Me too.

I've been in my basement smoking pot with my uncle Louie for well on to a week, maybe more. My Sabbath vinyl is wearing thin.

Lou always says the same thing twice as if I never heard him but I don't answer. Fuck him, I'm not his parrot. I'm no one's parrot.

I've switched booze for weed and I'm on a 9 day non-hangover and Louie was right, weed is best if you can get it.

Louie and me, we've been talking about what we would do if we had a night alone with Cameron Diaz.

Louie says he'd put on dirty pornos and smoke weed with her till she gave him head.

Two times he said that.

All the time I'm thinking, "Fuck that."

"Louie?" I says.

But I don't say nothing else because I don't know how it goes.

I ain't never been with no star.