Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Crab cakes are made of crabs

The first thing we have to do is kill all the liberal agitators.  They're always questioning on things that should best be left believed.  Is there a God, is it important to be at war with Iraq, should lasagna be king or should George Bush.  Wait, that's actually a valid one.

Let's kill all the liberals because they're fucking everything up for us.  That's the first thing we have to do.

The second thing we have to do is silence Heidi Montag.  Again she's on the cover of US weekly and again it's some complaint about something...she has been attacked or something.  It's really throwing me off my game.  I can't concentrate, my hands are shaking, I'm out of beef jerky...really fucking up my game.

The second thing is that Heidi Montag must vanish from either US Weekly or somewhere.  But certainly she must vanish from US Weekly, this much is certain.

The third thing is that we need to bring back slavery.  Not blacks cause I aint a racist (except against Mexicans (but they would be bad slaves, they're much better as low paid labor who are ruining our medical system and also ruining our society (but boy howdy isn't my grass cutting bill low))))) shit, where was I...

The third thing we need, etc, but not against blacks but this time Jews.  I could really use a slave around the house, particularly a sex slave but who I can also say, hey, you mind doing the dishes every day for the next 50 or so years?

Really do hate the dishes.

Any Jew found outside of Israel would be eligible.  Israel is the safe in tag when you get to the porch and you're safe there.  That's where they can be Israel.  And also in Iran but that's just to piss of that crazy president of theirs.  Whose name is unpronounceable.  Dingadongazamajinajod.

But one thing we should NEVER allow and I'll call this point number four...White protestant slaves.  Our hands are too soft to do anything meaningful and I fall asleep so easily.  I know that's not relevant but a nap would be nice.

I think I have a hangover.