Monday, March 24, 2008

I know a feller died on the couch at 35 and some say it's couch poison but for my part I ain't too sure (he died on his side which seems unnatural)

Can you check this?  I've been kind of working out some equations on paper and i think I have the math right but one of the sigmas has me doubting (sigma4).

Sorry I was away so long but it was a long Easter revel which by now you've come to expect.

On Friday (good friday) I locked myself in my room for a three day experiment (I was entombed).  I intended a great intent, that of replaying the death of Jesus and the three day sleep in the cave but this was bed because I'm not a Jew from Israel but live in Omaha where we don't have caves.

So I got into bed with strict instructions to mrs. Ho not to disturb me (she was out of town) and there I lay eating those cheesy snacks and watching television.

For three long days I lay and almost got a bed sore and got crumbs everywhere and that was probly the worst of it.  It was the constant basketball that helped me through.  And the Holy Ghost who assured me the plan was a good one.

At the third day, which was Sunday, mrs. Ho opened the door and I quickly hid under the covers so that she could say, "Lo, where has he gone to? He must have gone unto the very heavens.  His corpse is no longer in yon cave where once we did bury him."  And then the weeping and gnashing and running for neighbors.

Instead she saw my lump of bed mass and then was sore vexed about the crumbs and all the things I was supposed to do and instead layed in bed even though I explained in furious sub-breath mutterings my intent to relive the sufferings. 

They were cheetos, truth be told and they were delicious. 

I was going to get one of those contraptions that float you down from the house but that seemed like a lot of work so instead I looked for the ham.  My intent was to float down and say, "Lo, fear not, it is I, Jesus, etc."  But it's a lot of work to build those things.

What about you?

Oh!  That reminds me.

More to the Heidi Montag situation.  Apparently she's related to Lauren Conrad, they are cousins or something and Heidi or Spenser did something to Lauren or Lauren done to them, I can't be sure...but something is clearly going on because it's on the cover of US.

Here, I'll read you the headline, it says:  I WAS STABBED IN THE BACK.  All in caps and the caps are Yellow.  Then:  Furious over Brody's surprise other woman.

So furious.

(I'm so furious I'm breaking my office mates pens.  All of them.  That's how furious I am over this Heidi Montag issue.)

So apparently we have a Brody to kill as well as a Spenser. 

Or something.

If you want to read the US and explain to me what I'm supposed to feel or care about, please mail me on the message boards or send me a self addressed stamp envelope.

And I won't write back.