Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Grenayda, Grenahda

I've been trying to start a war between the Faulkland Islands and England again.

I haven't been as successful, this go round. Last time all it took was the offhand comment..in my best English accent, "Yes, nice little group of islands..nothing like England, of course. No, nothing at all like England. Not nearly as good, in fact. In fact, shitty little island, isn't it."

That's all it took. Falkland declared war on England and then England kicked their asses. It was fun to watch from afar..but I felt kind of bad for the Falklanders.

My first attempt at starting the war was to don my accent and say, "Darwin didn't even stop in the Faulklands. In fact, he leaned over the edge and shit in the water when he sailed by. He was constipated and they had to drop anchor and wait for three days. For three fucking days he was hunched over the side of the boat..straining to push out the smallest poop. When it finally fell in the water, he fell down--exhausted. Then he went down to his cabin and wrote his theory of evolution. He also had a batch of roids from the strain..a rectal island chain he named..Faulklands."

Then I'd add...Tut, tut.

That had zero effect. I think it was too long, so I shortened my next ones:

"England hates God."

"Soccer is a girl's game."

"Llorona was a real cunt."


I was growing irritated.

"Guess what. This little island has no stragic value. England hates Mexicans."

Again, nothing. Sadly, there was no war that weekend. They wouldn't bite.

As a side note, Ho knows that not every Spanish speaking person in the world is Mexican..not necessarily. Ho knows, but England doesn't.

Secondly...this is more of an FYI. Not every Asian is Chinese. Confusing, I know. I guess there are some smaller countries..over there.