Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Kool Filter Kings

If I smoked I would use my powers for good instead of evil.

I would befriend all of the evil despots in the world and then get them hooked on cigarettes.

By hooking them on the smokes I would shave some five minutes per cigarette off of their lives--that could amount to maybe two or three years of an early death. That's akin to assassinating them three years before they should really die.

I would start with Fidel Castro..who lives in Cuba, apparently--he's pretty old, but I might be able to get a few weeks from his life.

I would tell him that all the kids in the US were smoking and I'd teach him to pull the smoke into your lungs and just kinda hold it there till you feel calm and good, then to let it slowly blow out with a calm..ahhhhh.

If he refused I'd sit around and blow smoke rings. Who can resist smoke rings?

If that failed I'd tear off my shirt and show him my ripped abdomen and giant pecs. I'd flex my pecs so he saw how strong smokers were.

I'd also have to cut those little warning labels off of the boxes..that would be a dead giveaway that I was trying to kill them.

After Castro I'd move on to the next despot. I'm not sure of any more despots, but there's probly one around. Is Pol Pot still alive?