Thursday, May 12, 2005

Zombies...Take Two

If I were in the time of zombies the first thing I would do would go and get a new car from the deserted car lot. And by "first thing" I mean first thing after getting guns, of course. Don't be stupid that you'd get the car first. If you believed that I'd get the car first, you'd be dead from zombie teeth marks in your brain.

I would head straight to the Toyota lot and get a Prius because even though the end of the world is near, Ho knows that fossil fuels are not going to last forever and really, have you seen the gas mileage the Prius gets? Sweet Jesus it goes and goes.

Then I'd certainly rip out all of those fucking batteries and replace them with a secondary engine because zombies can run when brain is on the menu.

The secondary engine would be a thousand pounds or something. I don't know much about cars but I know a lot about weight and the more it weighs the bigger it is. Based on that logic a thousand pound engine would just go, baby..go.

Next, when I saw a zombie eyeing my new Prius and thinking, "Heh. Prius. I can outrun that." I would put the pedal to the metal and sing out, "It's hammer time, zombie!" and off I'd go like a fucking horse down a ... well, I guess down a pasture. I don't know about horses either, but they can really run fast when they have to, much like a zombie. Perhaps they're related.

Secondarily, in zombie world I may legally change my name to MC Hammer so that when I yelled to the zombies, "I'm MC Hammer, bitches!" it would carry some cachet.