this is a toaster, this is a froaster, with one you make froast w/ the other toast

I hate to exaggerate the notion that I am a man to whom great things happen but I am and that's no exaggeration.

Take pooping, for instance, just this morning, there I was...pooping...when all of a sudden a particularly large one passed through and I'll swear to you that I hear flapping and fluttering.

I quickly rose (unwiped) and stared down into the stool expecting to see the rat which normally sneaks in from the pipes but there was a fluttering poop fairy hovering exactly one inch above the vile water.

She could see my mind and said, "Don't flush me down for I have come from your bum to offer you three wishes."

So then I got to thinking...three wishes, eh...probably no wishing for more wishes, and probably the Aladin rules apply but then I really started thinking...do I want wishes from a shit fairy?  Probably they won't be as bad as the ones from the monkey's paw...fucking monkeys.  You know a monkey paw is going to grant bad wishes.  In fact, if monkeys ruled the earth I'll bet you a million diamond dollars that they would wear pants without bums and swing above the streets and poop on the ground just so we would have to walk through their filthy dung.  Just for that very purpose.

Anyway, probably if I wished for a million dollars, she'd give me a million doll hairs and say, "LOL!  Doll Hairs!  Lolll!"

So in the end I pushed her in the water and flushed.

It was the only thing to do, really.