bastards forced me. didn't want to but they pushed and pushed.

A lot of people like to think of the Southeastern US of A as a man who's sitting down with his back propped up against the Atlantic ocean and his long legs stretching down through Texas and he rubs his feet on Mexico's head and says, "Hola, pardner, you mind if I rub my feets on your head?"

And Mexico does not mind one bit. In fact, they smile and rub their fat bellies.

Yes, they say but what's Florida? Is that the giant USA dong which hangs down out of the crack of the shorts to dangle in the cool river of the Southern Seas?

Well, obviously the dong is currently in Iraq spraying our good will into the cupped hands and mouths of the Iraqi people and also at insurgents (may they drown in our good will).

So what is it...that's the question.

And the answer is that it's a poop log which the southern man has expelled and really is in the process of expelling for it surely is not all the way out when you gauge the circumference of the top of the log.

So the question Florida has to answer is not, "Am I a piece of poop hanging from a man rubbing his feet on Mexico."

The question Florida must answer is this: How do I want to behave as a poop log?

Do you want to be a pincher or do you want to lay back and let it go and plosh with a gentle slide and take your place with the other logs in the sea down there (Cuba and Haiti and the other little ones).

I say lay back Florida. Give us a nice slide show.

Plus pinching is very uncomfortable and messy.