Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Please draw me a picture of your naked body and put it in the mail. Make sure the boobs are big (even if that's a lie)

In the Heidi Montag and Spenser and all of them update furor from yesterday, I realized I forgot to tell you more about Easter and I'm sorry for that because I know you were so wondering if there was more to the story as says Paul Harvey.

How was your easter, by the way?  My how you can go on and on about yourself.  It's kinda selfish.

Anyway, me and the mrs. Ho was going on about a theological point, her yelling in my face -- the spittles striking me in the subtle eyelashes and forceful jowl -- me furiously scribbling my points on napkins and then burning them in the holy flame of the blessed tapers that I stole from the cathedrals because how many candles do you need?  It's kinda selfish of them if you think about it to make you pay to light a candle when you can just steal one and burn it all day for free.  I could buy one but the ones from the store ain't holy--probly Target has some holy ones.  They ain't been touched with the sweat of the lord.

Anyway, she was on and on about how Xmas was the holiest of holidays and I was all, touche, douche, it's easter which is the holiest.  She was all blah blah blah if he hadn't been born we'd all be Jews or Muslims and I let that blasphemy slip by because she scares me.

As a counterpoint I went to the bathroom and explained to my new dog that easter was the holiest because it's all about the resurrection.  It's the resurrection that makes Xmas look trivial.

Without the resurrection, Jesus is just another water-walker born from a ghost infected womb.

The resurrection pays the dividends. 

I'd like to tell you my dog agreed with me, but she don't talk.

I took her tongue with a sharp knife and a heavy look of I tried to warn you.

For reasons I'll later explain if I remember.

(I keep it in my pocket with my spectacles)