Friday, December 19, 2008

Happy Xmas, jews!

Here's a pome I'm going to tell you in Iambic Sucktameter and it's also a true story.  The story comes from the anals of the Laureate where I live with Jesus and Bigfoot, who looks after Jesus when they go to the gay bars.  Jesus isn't gay but he sure likes to dance.

Ok, he might be gay.  He's always hanging around hookers but he never smells of tang.


i was driving in my car
and it's cold
and icy
and down this steep hill
comes a woman, waxing in and out of my lane
as if to kill me
on go my brakes
and i stop
not so
into the island of doom
for her
and loud was the crashing
of glass and street lamps
and there she sat
and lo i drove by

I woulda wrote sooner but I was off to get you a Xmas present, Jews.  I have the spirit of giving and I got it bad.  I was off to find the perfect present and I think I finally found one.  A shiny new dildo to replace your careworn dirty dildo from two-holing it all the time.

Two-holing is a term I made up which means filling two holes, one with a dirty dildo and the other with whatever you can find, but not a vacuum tube, cause that can suck things out that are best left there.  Inside.

So anyway, I went to the dildo store, trying to get you the biggest, blackest dildo there ever was and I'll be damned if they're not sold out of them!

Sorry, the innernets.

Then I looked for a smaller white one and so expensive!  The only one I could afford was a sex offender model and I knew you wouldn't want that one, so covered in all the wrong things.

So, long story short and sorry for the spoilers but I got you a asian dong.  It's a bit smaller than you like and it's half flaccid.  But the good news is that it's half erect!  It doesn't come with this, but you can buy extra if you want to make it full on hard -- Tiger scrotum and Gorilla teeth ground up and rubbed onto the dilds.

It's kinda expensive though, but it's worth it.

Anyway, have a happy Xmas and you know I will too.