Earlier I heard a terrible ruccous outside of my house, there was screetching and scratching on my walls, it sounded like a herd of elephants were scratching their asses on my shingles.
I jumped up and ran outside and then I saw her. A female tree, naked, exposing her cunt...just standing there and looking at me.
Either there was no wind in sight, or this tree dug me on a deeper level than just tree/man because she just sat there. Staring at me. Not moving a limb.
I played it cool.
"Well, hello..." I crooned.
"Did you hear that terrible noise?" she asked.
"I did. Say, why don't you come into my pad and we'll talk about that terrible noise over a nice bottle of wine."
"Fuck you, pervert, I was looking for the cause of the noise."
I pretended to look around with her while considering my next bold plan of attack to woo her. I was considering my vast collection of tree pron when I saw him. A naked tree with the hugest erection I've ever seen--man or beast. Then I realized that these two trees had been fucking against the side of my house.
"You there, with the giant dong. I see you. I'm going for my axe straight away. I'll have no tree fucking in my yard."
"But it wasn't me, I was just standing here," protested the cunt tree.
"Yeah, yeah, save it, lady."
I turned to go to the garage when I saw him. The tree's lover. Yep. Gay trees.
Some would cut them all down. Her for spurning and the other 2 because they were gay. Not me. I say let them romp. And she's still a virgin, I'm pretty sure. I saw her kinda looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I'll let it be for now.