Friday, May 28, 2010

if i could take a zip line to hell i'd probly do it because it would be fun for awhile. until you got to hell. that's when the sucking would start.

Several things and I guess it wouldn't hurt to launch right into them.

The one is one that can't be said enough and already has been said too much and no, it ain't the god damn oil spill.  Enough about the oil spill we all know Obama done it and he done it to ruin our economy and steal the freedoms.  Just like I warned you, I didn't predict specifically an oil spill but I did warn you.

Can't be said enough but that the little prince Gary Coleman finally gave up the ghost and went back to his lonely planet to care for his flower and I'm pretty sad about that, he was cute back in his day.

And what with him trying to finally get his life together after he was struck by the madness of Hollywood, the pornography and the sex and the drugs and everyone's all, I like midgets, don't believe what they say in encyclopedias, I really like midgets.

Then the rape charges and such.  I'm sure they were drummed up, I don't think he could hold anyone down except some other midget.  Which maybe that was the case against him, I'm not up to speed on his felonies, I like to accept the good in him, not the rapes.

It's a damn shame because he was starting to come out of it.

Living in Provo, Utah and I understand he was going to become the first black member of the Ldsers.  Well, the first living black member, they baptize for the dead which makes sense.  I understand they don't baptize all the blacks, but they got some of the important ones to show on their books that they're not racists at all.

Othello, for one.

I can't think of any more but there probly at least five more including Gary.  Poor dead Gary, you seemed creepy but when you said whatchoo talkin bout very fast like you done, we all fell in love. 

Second thing is I'll bet that guy from Wham, the one who didn't go on to blow dudes in parks (and make it on the news about the fact that he was blowing dudes in parks (because believe me, he was at the parks))--I bet that guy sits around and people say, have you met so and so, he used to be in Wham.

Then he gets a smug grin on his scruffy face and waits for the cooing and awing and what they really wanted to say was he was the failure from Wham.

But that's ok because that's as close to a famous friend as they'll get and so they glint a bit from his tiny glimmer.

But they don't disparage and nor would I, I'd feel bad about hurting his feelings like that. 

I just can't believe about Gary Coleman.  Who's next, Kimberly?  Cory Haim?

All my childhood friends are dying, it seems.

And John Travolta is having another baby and you know that's not going to end well.  I think he used alien DNA or something because his wife is ancient.

If I had one retard baby who just suddenly died in the Bahamas for no reason you can be sure I'd stop at one.

Plus, fuck the Bahamas.  It's dirty and you die there.

That retard Travolta.

That fat girl from Guess jeans.

That one girl who was killed by that Dutch guy who finally admitted it.

Ponce de Leon.

Bermuda triangle.

I wish Heidi and Spencer would go there.

Fuck the Bahamas.

Monday, May 10, 2010

my gmail password is tits or zits i'll take the one please one but it's a number one and there's no spaces now you don't have to hack me, i invite you in as i would most vampires except the gay ones in the charlene books and also the gay ones in the

I seen a terrible picture about what the hardon collider plans on doing to the world and I'll tell you that it's only mitigated by the fact that the only destruction comes in the form of wherever the cern is and I'm happy to report that it isn't in America where the good people live.

Here's the picture:

I'll have you note that the picture is taken from space where most of the damage will be done and it's the best vantage point.  I guess a good vantage point would also be at the hardon collider but not for long.  I'll bet he's tapping his controls and thinking, "hmmm, puzzling, that gauge shouldn't be so high..." then he's a mess of loose mass and the hardon has done it's job.

I seen one scientist talk and he said, "can I predict that a dragon won't appear and destroy the world?"  He eventually said he couldn't and that was enough for me to know CERN was bad.

Then I read about some guy who said that if you locked a cat in a box (and this was related to summoning dragons I'll have you note) and then that cat was as likely dead as alive and it occurred to me that you should get a better box either to ensure the cat is dead or alive rather than the 50 50 compromise.

I'd get a box with daggers in the lid.

Plus have you ever tried to get a cat into a box?  It's impossible.  They scratch and hiss and bite.  That's life wisdom I just passed to you about cats and boxes and you can thank me later.  Probably from prison which is where you'll end up knowing your track record.  But we're still friends.

Like as not you'd kill it just to get it in the box.

That shaves the odds a bit.

Here's a picture of a goat with braces.  He looks pretty happy all things considered.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

If bacon was to be combined by science with sex and scotch, I'd be happily dead before this night is done

It's true.