I have a new goal. To be linked by EVERY BLOG ON BLOGGER. The only thing is those fucking right wing Christian blogs. They totally don't get me. God this, God that, blah blah blah.
I'm going to do something rare, I'm going to compromise with you God blogs. I'm going to convert all the homos to hetero and that should make you happy. I'm also going to convert the Jews. That's like...a billion conversions right there, that should be worth a small link.
First the Jews:
To the Jews
I love Jesus,
yes I do
I love Jesus...
how bout Jew?
You see...when the Jew reads this they will see Jesus associated with you which is then associated with Jew which will lead them to Jesus. Phew.
Now the homos.
I'm going to go to a park by my house and sit in my car and listen to Juice Newton or Queen or Stix or Foreigner. Those groups are like a mating call to the homo, I assure you.
When the homos come I'll take them into the tree-lined boundary of the park and start to give them a blow job.
Just at the very moment of climax I'll stop and ask, "Do you accept Jesus as your personal savior?"
"Yes, yes," they'll say, "anything, just please finish!"
"I will finish if you next pledge to give up this abomination of homo-erotocism."
"I'll do it," they'll yell. "I'll do it!"
Then I'll say, "Now go fuck a woman, ex-gay."
And in that way I won't have to finish the worst part for the head giver..the sperm in the mouth. For the givee it's the best time, of course. Giver...quite another story.
They won't want gay head anymore, they'll be shocked that they ever wanted it. They'll run right out and be saved by the love of hetero sex.
Now where's my fucking link?