Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Episode 2B

Wherein a race newly discovers its "Stargate" and they appear in front of a band of Neandertols who quickly club them all to death, ending the exploration of space and plunging them into a society of religion and chicanery.

Episode A

Wherein an alien attacker invades earth and shoots several people with a Trans-Fat ray and the people end up dying 30 years later of high cholesterol. The alien tragically escapes through a Stargate.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Pilot #3

Wherein a man tattoos a vagina on his hand so that he feels like he's making love to a fine woman whenever he masturbates. Becomes tragic when the vagina starts sleeping around town. Ends when the vagina leaves him for another man.

Pilot #2

A rural man in Kentucky lets out a true prayer from the heart, pure and with all of the feeling that God requires to grant miracles. His prayer is for the end of the world so that only he and his lover sheep, Dolly, can fornicate without interruption.

In a rare act of interference, God destroys every person alive except for the rural man and he lives happily ever after.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Zesty Ranch

roses are red
violets are blue
jesus hates mexicans
even though he's a jew

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Minty Fresh

It's mid afternoon and my urine smells of burned coffee...again.


I'd rather be known for my penis than my genius

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

New TV Series Idea

2 buddies, a Mexican and an American. One speaks no English, the other no Spanish. The American is a gay liberal with AIDS as are most Americans yet the Mexican keeps using his toothbrush because he loves the meenty fresh bret. Series revolves around fights of oral hygine. To be named The Oral Hygenist and El Guapo.

An ode to spode

Mr. Ashcroft, you were
my favorite
fascist Attorney General.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


If blogs were leather
and I were blue
I'd kick your ass
And steal your shoe.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Making shadow puppets in the cave

George W. Bush compliments the idea that a stupid man can be president but goes beyond it by showing that an unwise man can also be president.

Titular Stitular

The George W. Bush library will be stocked soley with unread back issues of Field and Stream.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Well way to go, Ohio--cunts. You're ok, PA, 51% of you anyway. But Ohio? You're on my shit list. I'm saving up a giant turd and the next time I fly over Ohio, I'm going to go into the bathroom and ceremonially shit all over you.