Wednesday, November 21, 2007

You probly have Schigella. I can see it in your face.

Well hello there.

Sorry I been away so long but I had some big things to work on over
the past time that I was gone. I wasn't technically gone but I wasn't
technically here, neither.

One of the things I done is that I investigated patterns in PI so that
we can talk to aliens and Jesus like in that movie with Jodi Foster.

Well, one of them is 3.1 and it's significant because if you mod 10 it
(or a close mod 10 approximation) you'll find that to be approximately
my age when I started having kids so that's kind of a sign from Jesus
and aliens about the renewal of life.

The other number I found was .14 and that's important because if you
mod 20 it (or thereabouts) you'll find that to be about the age I
really started the furious masturbation which is another sign that
Jesus loves us. And the aliens do too.

I'm going to run some other studies, too. See if I don't.

One of them will be to study the patterns in PI using the binaries but
I'm not sure if you can do decimals in binary so I may have to invent
a new form of binary math that implements the decimal.

Or I may not. Might just watch football and drink vodka.

More likely I'll do the football/vodka plan.

Or it might be gin.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The Pope sends his love but only if you're catholic

This is you doing what I specifically begged you not to do while I
stepped into the store and bought you the nice things that you enjoy.

It was mine and you had no right and I think that's where you got the
aids and now I have it on film.

I was in getting you cool ranch doritos and cigarettes which you're
too young to buy for yourself, remember? The kind things I do and
did, remember?

Imagine my surprise when I died of thirst and your cup was full and
such a pitiful defense of oh, I don't know what happened to your share
of the Diet Squirt.

Yet you still drank your cup, didn't you.

The good thing is that the Holy Ghost has moved through me and forced
me to forgive you, so I forgive you for being a selfish fat drink
stealing pig with pretty eyes and a not unattractive snout.

Did you see about that girl in India who had like 8 arms? And they're
cutting some of them off? Maybe already they cut them off, I don't

But I picture the delivery and the doctor saying, "Oh, there's a hand!
And another hand! And...oh dear...another hand, OMG it's a monster!
Fuck, run!"

But in Hindi.

Then I picture the little baby to crawl on out of there and pick up
some scimitars and start giving it to evil. Or whatever that blue god
does with all the arms.

Giving it to someone.