Friday, October 19, 2007

I have a precious pouch of jesus in my pocket and you can have the very first bite!

My head has been so fuzzy on the inside for about at least 2 weeks now, possibly much longer.  I wonder if i have aids or her sister hiv.

What's the symptoms of aids?  Does anyone know?  It's probly fuzzy thoughts.  I catch everything.

Is it fuzzy thoughts?  If it is then I have some.  Have the bad kind, apparently.

I wish I knew someone with aids.  I could ask them if they have fuzzy thoughts and in that way, using logic I could ascertain the truth about my recent downturn in health.

I wouldn't say, Does aids give you fuzzy thoughts.  I'd be more sly.  More like, Boy, sure have been sleeping with a lot of men, lately.  These damn fuzzy thoughts.

Well, bad news.  I found out that one of my personalities was having an affair with my wife.  Just found that out, he wrote me a note that said, I'm totally doing your wife and she loves it.

I thought about getting a divorce.  I can't believe my wife would stoop so low as to go with that one of all of them.  Not that one.

A certain trust has been broken.  I know you've been cheated on before.  Plenty.  So you should know exactly how it feels and I'll bet you do.

Then I had a plan to save the sharks.  We kill all the chickens, make a huge cube of chicken cubes (used for soups and such) and drop the cube in the ocean which then becomes a giant chicken broth and the sharks can just drink the broth.  And then the sharks are saved and I win a Nobel peace prize (which they seem to give for any reason not just being peaceful or doing peace which is confusing but the million dollars is nice).

That should work.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Your hair is very pretty like that, I like it when you do curls

I would go to a public circle jerk if it was me and just a few others and the others are women carrying colorful dildos (yellow and orange) and we we're all naked and then we had sex after.  That's probly the only way you'd get me into a circle jerk unless I was sleep walking.

This is how you kill a robot army.

You quickly chop off both of your arms and then challenge it to a pull my finger contest.

Then the all important part where you make him go first.  Because if he asks you to go first then you're doomed.  They will chop you with their chopper arms and laser eyes and bedebededebedebes.  That's one thing robots excel at.  Knife blade weapons and robot voices.

Here's another way.

Go back in time to the time before batteries and then the great hulking beasts will be out of power and their red glowing eyes will fade and then you can throw them in the ocean where the salt water will eventually destroy them.

Also you could lure them on top of your time machine and dash into the future while they're still holding on until the nuclear war that will come tears apart their aluminum siding and then beware of morlocks.

You cannot hang a robot.  They have metal necks and then they laugh at you.  You cannot hang a robot.

We'll need to figure out advanced ways of killing them because soon we'll have to be killing lots of robots like in the Blade Runner but metal robots with metal necks.

I guess we'll figure it out later.

If you think of something send me an email and I'll submit it.  If it's good.  But I'll also put my name on it.

Another way is to go back in time and kill the inventor of science, Albert Einstein.  

But you know all of this.

I bet Albert Einstein's brother hated Albert.  Always being compared to the great genius who discovered relativity and you just a shoe maker.  Just a sad shoemaker.

Well, I guess this is you (or parts of you (your mom sent me this with all of your baby pictures because she was tired of holding onto your things)):

It's found deep in your colon and the round spots are the aids and the square spots are cheedar cheese.  Longhorn style colby cheese from Tillamook, Oregon.  The rectangles are poops trying to get out but it's windy down there.  Windey and windy.  Both.  The rest is just atoms and antimatter.

Did you see Brittney's kids was stolen?

I cried for days.

Still cryin.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

If you were on Love Boat you would be Gopher

I think that it would be quite some thing if when you had your vasectomy which you're going to be getting soon that if the doctor then filled it full of diamonds and then sewed it shut.

Then you'd have a scrote packed full of diamonds and when you walked around and stood akimbo you could say to the boys all about the advantages of having a scrote full of diamonds.

But then again, the bad side of all of this is that you have a scrote full of diamonds and those diamonds can be very sharp.

It really made me think, "Is it a good idea, this scrote full of diamonds idea?"

In a way it is but in the way that they would all rub up against the testes and probably cut or bruise or injure such fine, sensitive things made me finally fall down on the, "This scrote full of diamonds idea is probably an average to perhaps a very bad idea in spite of all the diamonds in your scrote which seems like a pretty good on face value."


I was stricken with an even better follow-up idea about diamonds in your scrote and that is that the diamonds are very tiny, maybe like less than a karat or so and that sometimes they float out of your vessicals which get severed in the snippy process.

Then you can say to the ladies, perhaps if you gave me a fine bj you'd get a mouth full of diamonds and then in that way, you get a free bj (except technically you're paying in tiny diamonds) and she gets bling teeth.

And what lady don't want bling teeth?